Compassion Fatigue Part 2 — Grace Haven Families

We talked yesterday about what compassion fatigue is now let’s talk about ways to prevent compassion fatigue.

How do we picture our journey?

Before we dive into the steps to self regulation, let’s start with how we see. I remember when God got a hold of my heart for orphans. I felt fiery inside and I remember saying, “I don’t care how hard it is God, if you send me, I will go!” I was so resolute. At that time the call felt like an invitation and I was excited about it.

But when I got my first child home and nothing I seemed to do was making any apparent positive difference, it felt much more like a punishment. “God, I gave my yes. I’m doing all that I know to do. If I don’t have it in me then what’s the point? I’m failing her AND I’m failing you AND I am failing everyone around me. I can’t do ANYTHING right!”

That invitation was real. Look at it, it is beautiful but it’s rocky and sometimes we step on painful ruts created long before we showed up on the scene. Oh but it feels punishing….I can’t see the top. At times I’m not sure just how much farther we are going and will I have the fortitude to get to where we are going? What do we do in these moments? We can take a S.T.E.P.

STEP – A way to see ourselves

S- We start with emotional regulation ourselves. We can’t coregulate with others if we don’t have felt safety ourselves.

Another way of saying this is:

Our ability to self regulate must keep pace with the level of dysregulation of those in our care.

If we consider a scale of one to ten, one being very calm and 10 being flipping our lid, where do you typically catch yourself?

What would it be like to catch ourselves at 1 or 2? When we consider the dangers of NOT caring for ourselves and reaching ten before we do something, we now have an emotional clean-up that is far more difficult to do than if we had lowered our bar and caught ourselves much earlier.

T- Taker steps toward empowerment. Dr. Karyn Purvis often talked about how important it is for us as caregivers to empower our children to become regulated before we connect to them. We really need to take one more action step prior to that and we need to look at our own empowerment.

What do I need? Have I been getting enough sleep, water, healthy foods, movement? As Karyn often said, sometimes wants ARE needs. Sometimes painting or going for a walk or floating in the pool becomes a way for us to shift our focus from what’s happening all around us and to what is happening inside of us.

Give yourself a countdown from 10 to 1 and focus on your breathing. Are you breathing fast or shallow? Can you deepen your breath and slow it down?

Do you need to move or do you need stillness? Read your body and respond to the need.

E – Express your inner experiences. It’s important to give voice to ourselves and to our children. Having a voice, being able to name emotions and walk through them, is often a skill our children did not learn. We often stifle ourselves in this way too. We press down our emotions and feelings because perhaps we don’t have time for it, or it’s a foreign idea, it’s not comfortable, or maybe we feel ashamed and disappointed in ourselves for the feelings we have.

So often we want to fix. And we assume that in order to fix we must have answers. But what if the answer is simply being present and listening? A huge gift we can give to our children and to others is to listen with compassion. Kindness shifts environments. We need to be on the receiving end of that too!

I want to encourage you this week to reach out to a trusted friend and share some of what is on your heart. Let them know they don’t have to have an answer to a problem but that their prayerful and listening heart is enough. Have a check in person. And if you don’t have someone please get with us here at Grace Haven.

Another consideration is that self-expression isn’t always helpful to stop compassion fatigue if it’s used to perseverate on old wounds. Recognizing when you need help working through wounds versus compassion fatigue is important. If you have questions on that I’d love to visit with you personally to help identify what might be going on. You can contact me directly here.

P – Promote integration through rhythmic activity

Anxiety comes from the primal response of freezing when we feel helpless. Movement can help the stress that’s “stuck” in us to become dislodged. Movement helps us relax and release tension and gives our nervous system a chance to hit reset.

For some people it is difficult to become still and meditate because their mind won’t slow down. Movement can help rewire the brain for healing. When we can get grounded again our physical body receives benefit too. Our immunity improves, our mood improves, inflammation is reduced, and a sense of centeredness returns to us.

There are many activities we can do that will bring calm that doesn’t require us to sit still or feel like a chore either. Here’s a short list. Yours might be different.

1. Walking in nature

2. Stretching and breathing exercises

3. Gardening

4. Swimming

5. Dancing

When I am really stressed, reading my bible on the front porch swing, listening to the birds, feeling a breeze and the warm sun is my therapy! Once my body calms, I can hear truth. I can decipher what is my feelings and what is God speaking to my heart. We all need replenishment and God designed us for it by giving us the day of rest each week.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22